It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
