i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
