my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
