There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
