Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
