Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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