Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
