Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
