Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
