I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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