Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
