But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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