Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
