just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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