So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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