so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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