For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
