I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
