just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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