My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
