i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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