I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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