I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
