She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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