tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
