That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize