Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
