I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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