i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
