Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
