It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize