Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
