He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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