Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it's like heaven, but drunker
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
