one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
