I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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