nut hugger
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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