i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
