nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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