Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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