is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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