Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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