I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
