too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
