i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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