just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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