The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
