If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
