Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
