how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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