also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize