There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
