I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
