Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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