I have demons in me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
