where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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