U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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