so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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