then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
