I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
