There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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