absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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