Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
