Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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