no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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