The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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