we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
