It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
