it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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