Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
