So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
