Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
