so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
