let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
