So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
