She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
