He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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