i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
