"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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