the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
