Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
