I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize