I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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