yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
