Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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